If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
