We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
