he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
