Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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