Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
