No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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