we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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