dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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