I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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