Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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