Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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