i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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