party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
