Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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