Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
