i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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