piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
