I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think your dad took our porno
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
