Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
