Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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