Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
