i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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