If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
