I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
