My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
