I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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