New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
