I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
