check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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