Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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