Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
