it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
