I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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