when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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