wanna go halves on a baby?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
