We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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