We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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