tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
