Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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