youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
