i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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