toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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