i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
