Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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