Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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