you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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