Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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