he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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