I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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