I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
