Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
