TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
