We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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