idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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