Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
